It was raining in my kitchen! 😳

This past Friday was a whirlwind.

I was in my bedroom reading and listening to music so I didn’t hear the impending doom that was happening in my kitchen.

Thankfully, my dog started whining and forced me to pay attention. 

And that’s when I saw it – water raining down from my ceiling.

Long story short, it turns out that my upstairs neighbor’s fridge had a leak from the water dispenser hose and that was the source of all the water.

So why am I talking about a leak in my ceiling? 

It’s because the interactions with my neighbors tested my own leadership and communication skills.

It’s in the panic and chaos that our values are tested – in how we respond through our words and actions.

I was disappointed in my neighbor’s reactions.

They immediately declared that it wasn’t their fault and that it must be something happening in my home.

This was before we had even identified the ‘culprit.’

Why is it that we tend to immediately jump into a defensive mode?

I made an intentional decision not to get swept up in their energy because after all, our emotions are contagious.

Have you been in a fight that spirals out because you start matching the other person’s energy? They start raising their voice so you do so in kind.

I did my best to respond with integrity, and not in anger and curse them out, especially since they had no curiosity about the source of the water and made a foregone conclusion.

So this got me to reflect on how we can manage ourselves through others’ panic. Here are a few ideas to explore.

1. Take deep replenishing breaths.

In these moments of panic, take three deep breaths. 

When those around you are freaking out, it’s crucial to cultivate your own mindfulness – to be aware of your breath.

Can you find your own center? Are you aware of your own thoughts? Can you not add to the heightened emotionality at the moment?

I’ll be honest, initially, when the water was cascading across my floors, I was angry – angry that my neighbors were being dismissive of my concerns that the water source was in their apartment.

We can’t control our initial reactions. It’s primal. 

But what I can do is choose not to respond in this energy. 

And that’s why awareness is key – to notice my breath and my thoughts.

2. Be curious about the issue at hand.

Instead of rushing to a conclusion, be curious about why folks are behaving the way they are. 

Are they acting out of fear? Is there something else going on in their lives that they’re worried about? 

I likely won’t get the answers to this inquiry, but instead, it helps me remember their humanity and not vilify them. To not immediately set up a “us vs them” attitude.

They may still treat me as the “them,” but I only have control over myself, and I choose to behave with integrity.

3. Ask yourself, “will this matter in 6 months? 1 month? 1 week?”

We must continually return to our vision – for ourselves, our families, our teams, and our communities.

When folks are panicking around you, they’re likely not making progress towards the things that matter. They’re not moving towards their vision.

If we strive to stay focused despite the noise, then we’re more likely to achieve our goals – the goals that get us closer to our vision.

So ask yourself, “will this stressor matter in a week, a month?” This helps get us perspective.

Once the dust settled (i.e. water no longer coming into my apartment), I was able to assess the damage and knew that it was merely cosmetic damage. 

So I was able to get perspective for myself and not be reactive to my neighbors’ lack of contrition or accountability.

It’s all how we choose to frame things. 

I decided that in a few weeks’ time, the shock of water raining down in my apartment will fade away and to be grateful that it was simply a few holes instead of much worse. 

So always start with the breath when the chaos inevitably happens.

Hope this serves.

Until next time, as always, be gentle & kind to yourself.

Shalini